Black Girl Burnout

Kelley names three wars she believes so many Black women are fighting right now, wars we've been mislabeling as something else entirely. In this solo episode, she unpacks the war with ourselves (that we call self-improvement), the war with our community (that we call accountability), and the war with the world (that we call activism), and makes the case for stepping out of all three and choosing peace instead.
Key Takeaways
The war with yourself often gets mislabeled as self-improvement. Urgency, self-punishment, and arbitrary deadlines aren't growth, they're just a fight with yourself in disguise.
The war with community often gets mislabeled as accountability. There's a real difference between holding someone accountable and piling on. Call people in before you cut them off, and hold boundaries with love, not cruelty.
The war with the world often gets mislabeled as activism. Anger alone isn't activism. Real change comes from being steady and grounded, not embattled.
You can't fight three wars at once and survive it. Noticing which battle you're actually in is the first step to choosing peace instead.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
03:00 The first war: mistaking self-punishment for self-improvement
07:00 The second war: when accountability turns into pile-on culture and cruelty
14:00 Calling people in instead of cutting them off, and holding boundaries with love
16:00 The third war: confusing anger with activism
18:00 Three questions to ask yourself before you go to war
Gentle Invitation
This week, notice which war you're in, with yourself, with your community, or with the world. Ask yourself: is this actually a battle I need to be in, or one I wandered into? You don't have to win it today. Just notice it's there.
Support the Show
If you'd like to make a one-time gift in honor of this milestone and support the continued work of Black Girl Burnout, you can donate through Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/blackgirlburnout.
Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.
Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review, your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.
Our Sponsors
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It's September, and Kelley wants you to pause before you "lock in." This solo episode challenges lock-in culture, the cultural pressure to suddenly get disciplined, finish the year strong, and fix your whole life in three months. Kelley shares her own cautionary tale of what years of pushing through cost her health, then walks through a gentler four-step framework for having real goals without declaring war on yourself.
Key Takeaways
Lock-in syndrome sounds motivating, but it usually runs on shame, the assumption that you're behind, undisciplined, or broken and need to be fixed by December 31st.
September 1st isn't magic. There's nothing wrong with ambition, but arbitrary deadlines and 75-day challenges often create false urgency instead of real progress.
Sometimes the most honest answer isn't to lock in harder, it's to ask whether you even need to optimize right now, or whether you just need to rest.
The Gentle Lock-In Framework has four steps: check in, use discernment, choose, and gently commit.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
02:00 What lock-in syndrome is, and the real cost of ignoring how you actually feel
05:00 Kelley's own cautionary tale: what years of "locking in" cost her health
12:00 Do you even need to optimize? Toxic self-care vs. toxic self-improvement
16:00 Redefining "locking in": the four-step gentle framework
19:00 What Kelley's own lock-in looks like this season (a "75 extra soft")
Gentle Invitation
Before you set any goals this month, stop and ask yourself: how am I actually doing? Not what you should be doing, not what everyone else is doing, but what's actually true in your body, your mind, and your spirit right now.
Choose one thing, a few things, or nothing at all. And whatever you choose, commit to it gently.
Support the Show
If you'd like to make a one-time gift in honor of this milestone and support the continued work of Black Girl Burnout, you can donate through Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/blackgirlburnout.
Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.
Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review, your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.
Our Sponsors
Savvy Ladies Free Financial Helpline: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle | Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

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Kelley sits down with N. Chloé Nwangwu, keynote speaker, principal investigator at Nobiworks, and known as The Brand Scientist, for a conversation about the real difference between going viral and being truly visible. Chloé breaks down two decades of research into the science of visibility, from her early career in international conflict mediation to the framework she now teaches leaders, brands, and Black women specifically on how recognition actually works, and why the usual advice to "just show up more" isn't enough.
Key Takeaways
Recognition is the invisible currency of influence. Without it, you don't have access to shaping the beliefs, judgments, and decisions of the people around you.
Being seen isn't the same as being remembered, and being remembered isn't the same as being recognized. Chloé's "Three Rs of Visibility", represented, remembered, recognized, explain why some ideas stick and others get filtered out.
Visibility bias creates a real invisibility tax. The "reciprocity gap" means under-recognized people often have to give more and get less back for the same effort as their peers.
Lasting visibility isn't luck, it's an ecosystem. Building a platform, a real "circle of recognition" (not just a follower count), and decision architecture is what actually moves people.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
05:00 From conflict mediation to Brand Scientist: the through-line Chloé didn't see coming
14:00 Recognition as the invisible currency of influence: who gets the seat at the table, and why
18:00 The Three Rs of Visibility: represented, remembered, recognized
32:00 Under-recognition, visibility bias, and the invisibility tax
43:00 Building an ecosystem of influence: platform, circle of recognition, and decision architecture
Gentle Invitation
This week, notice one input you let into your life on autopilot, a feed, a follow, an opinion you didn't choose. Ask yourself: who does this benefit? Do I want to play along?
Choose one small act of curation. Unfollow one account, mute one feed, protect one hour. Not everything. Just one thing.
Connect with Chloé Nwangwu
Find Chloé on LinkedIn, where she shares her nerdiest, most in-depth work
She also offers a free recognition assessment that tells you where you stand and gives you your next best step
Support the Show
If you'd like to make a one-time gift in honor of this milestone and support the continued work of Black Girl Burnout, you can donate through Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/blackgirlburnout.
Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.
Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review, your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.
Our Sponsors
Savvy Ladies Free Financial Helpline: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle | Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Joy Economics: Shani Godwin on Ending Over-Functioning & Choosing Joy on Your Own Terms
Kelley sits down with Shani Godwin, writer, entrepreneur, and creator of the concept of Joy Economics, for a conversation that started with a line from her viral Oprah Magazine piece: "Black girl magic isn't magic, it's normalized over-functioning." Shani opens up about the mental health crisis that changed her life at 30, the 3 a.m. breakdown that made her rethink what success actually costs, and the practice she now teaches to help Black women build lives and businesses around joy instead of around proving they can carry it all.
Key Takeaways
Black girl magic isn't magic, it's normalized over-functioning. Making the hard things look effortless comes with an invisible tax, and the more we achieve, the heavier that tax gets.
Being "strong" isn't always the answer. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for each other is stop saying "you got this" and instead just show up, sit in it, and let someone be broken for a moment.
Joy Economics means building your life and business around what actually brings you joy, not around growth for growth's sake. Profit and freedom over vanity metrics; joy in the journey, not just the destination.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
2:00 — Where "Black girl magic isn't magic, it's normalized over-functioning" came from
10:00 — Shani's mental health crisis at 30, and the 20-year journey that followed
27:00 — What Joy Economics actually is
37:00 — Practical first steps: radical honesty with yourself, and learning where joy lives in your body
53:00 — What brings Shani joy day to day, and how she protects it
Gentle Invitation
This week, notice a moment when you feel genuinely good, when your shoulders drop, you laugh, or you feel peaceful. Don't rush past it.
Ask yourself: what does joy actually feel like in my body? Not what should make you happy, or what looks successful, what does it actually feel like?
Joy doesn't only belong after you've made it. It belongs in the life that's already happening now.
Connect with Shani Godwin
Website: shanigodwin.com
Instagram: @iamshanigodwin
Support the Show
If you'd like to make a one-time gift in honor of this milestone and support the continued work of Black Girl Burnout, you can donate through Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/blackgirlburnout.
Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.
Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review — your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.
Our Sponsors
Savvy Ladies Free Financial Helpline: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle | Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Kelley sits down with Sonya Renee Taylor, author of The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, for a conversation Kelley calls essential reading for every Black woman. They trace the phrase's origin story, unpack what body shame really is beneath the physical, and walk through Sonya's roadmap for opting out of shame and into radical self-love: mapping your way out of shame, the four pillars of practice, and why community and self-compassion are what actually make the work sustainable.
Key Takeaways
Body shame isn't only physical. It shows up as shame around our needs, our emotions, our voice, and how much space we let ourselves take up. The physical body is just where 90% of the conversation gets stuck.
Opting out of shame starts with three peace treaties: making peace with not understanding, making peace with difference, and making peace with our bodies, in that order.
Radical self-love isn't something you build, it's your default state. The four pillars (taking out the toxic, mind matters, unapologetic action, collective compassion) are about removing what's been layered on top, not adding something new.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
02:00 - Where the phrase "the body is not an apology" came from
08:00 - What body shame really means, beyond the physical
13:00 - Mapping your way out of shame: the three-step framework
20:00 - Making peace with our bodies as "currency"
29:00 - The four pillars of a radical self-love practice
55:00 - Where to connect with Sonya Renee Taylor
Gentle Invitation
This week, notice one place you apologize for taking up space, in your body, your voice, your needs, or your wants.
You don't have to fix it. Just notice it, and see if you can meet it with the same grace Sonya describes: "It's okay. I love you, just as you are."
Choose one small, unapologetic action. Not ten. Just one.
Let that be enough for now.
Connect with Sonya Renee Taylor
Instagram: @SonyaReneeTaylor
Patreon: Sonya Renee Taylor
Website: sonyareneetaylor.com
Book: The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love
Support the Show
If you'd like to make a one-time gift in honor of this milestone and support the continued work of Black Girl Burnout, you can donate through Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/blackgirlburnout.
Like, follow, and subscribe across all platforms. Find us @blackgirlburnout.
Subscribe to our newsletter at blackgirlburnout.com. Watch on YouTube. Drop a review — your words make a real difference, and they warm Kelley's whole heart every single time.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid subscriber ($8/month) for exclusive resources and monthly workshops.
Our Sponsors
Savvy Ladies Free Financial Helpline: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle | Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy