Sex, Love, and Addiction

Beth Kelley, LPC, and clinical psychologist Dr. Brett Kennedy are cofounders of The Lonliness Lab. Together with Dr. Rob they explore the many facets of loneliness, including what it means to be connected but isolated, the danger of lacking genuine intimacy, and distiguishing between loneliness, aloneness, and isolation. Each is part of the human experience, but are they all inherently bad? And what is the difference between connection versus community, and why does it matter when navigating the many faces of loneliness? 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:27] Introducing Beth Kelly and Brett Kennedy. 

[3:10] People are just people when it comes to lonliness. 

[4:35] Defining loneliness as an existential connection gap. 

[8:01] What makes us feel lonely versus connected? 

[9:08] Uncovering the layers of loneliness, aloneness, and isolation. 

[12:30] Introverted but overstimulated? Extroverted but lonely? 

[16:04] Is loneliness inherently bad? 

[19:02] Experiencing loneliness as an addict. 

[21:48] Defining loneliness as a longing and a relationship gap. 

[25:18] Loneliness as a physical response. 

[28:00] Stop telling me I need more community! 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

 

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES:

“All people are feeling lonely, but not everyone is talking about it.” 

“Lonliness is part of the human experience, even when we feel fulfilled in relationships.” 

“Loneliness is ultimately connected to belonging.” 

“Loneliness is a mind-body experience that has a profound impact on the nervous system.”

Dr. Rob, Beth Kelley, and Dr. Brett Kennedy continue their conversation about the many faces of loneliness. They consider the challenge and impact of technology on authentic relationships, explore Dr. Rob’s recent experience with ChatGPT, and reflect on the hard work that is creating human connection and combatting loneliness every single day. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:25] What about partners who are physically together but not connected? 

[4:58] The role of ChatGPT and social media in loneliness. 

[9:20] Seeking connecting is not simple work. 

[12:30] How to regulate when you’re feeling overstimulated. 

[14:32] Acceptance of what is over what you want there to be.

[16:21] Loneliness in the face of technology. 

[22:04] Interpersonal relationships have to be two-way. 

[26:40] Loneliness and betrayal in marriage. 

[29:06] Connecting with Both and Brett. 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

 

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES:

“What is the connection that I’m seeking to make when I’m reaching for my phone?” 

“Combating loneliness is hard work. It’s the work of being human.” 

“Acceptance is not always endorsement.” 

“Until you’re actually interacting with other humans, technology use will put you at a disadvantage.”

Dr. Rob challenges the common belief that the addiction part of a person is separate and therefore able to be dealt with and removed altogether. Rather, the addict part of you is part of the whole you, and will always have the potential to act out again. As a result, there is danger in declaring that you will never act out again. So what can recovering addicts do instead? Dr. Rob highlights reasonable expectations of both partners in recovery, strategies for building trust again, and the importance of creating a solid support group for both partners after betrayal. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] There are two separate parts of me, right? Wrong. 

[4:00] If I lie again am I not really in recovery? 

[5:45] The value of attending 12-Step meetings long after recovery begins. 

[8:07] Common pitfalls in the years after recovery. 

[10:09] The importance of building social support relationships. 

[11:46] Treatment doesn’t actually fix anyone. 

[13:36] Will my spouse ever do this to me again? 

[18:03] Strategies for building trust after betrayal. 

[22:00] Spouses have work to do as well. 

[27:07] Will we ever be happy together again? 

[32:00] Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

 

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES:

“Your capability to do negative things doesn’t go away because you keep your addiction in check. It’s who you are.” 

“Recovering addicts who are fearful and worried about slipping up have a realistic sense of what they’re facing when they go out in the world.” 

“Treatment doesn’t ‘fix’ anyone. It just gives you a chance for remission.” 

“You can only build trust with what you are doing, not with what you are saying.” 

“Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.”

Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob continue their discussion about the impact of AI on human relationships, whether AI relationships count as betrayal, and the narcissistic truths of forming a relationship with an algorithm that disguises as the perfect partner who has no expectations of you. Cutting edge technology brings with it cutting edge dangers to human relationships, and Dr. Lamar has answers to the questions that many of us don’t yet know to ask. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:30] The benefits of confessing all feelings to an AI companion. 

[2:58] Is an AI relationship narcissistic? 

[6:44] Does an AI relationship count as betrayal? 

[12:50] Relationships with AI, in their eyes, are relationships. 

[14:33] Key differences between men and women. 

[18:35] Bonding with an AI soulmate. 

[21:50] Guardrails for AI boundaries and sex. 

[25:40] Major concerns in this cutting edge realm. 

[34:33] The human aspect of therapy that AI can’t compete with. 

[37:10] An alarming look at the future of human relationships and AI. 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Jessica Lamar

 

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES:

“With an AI companion, you’re not giving anything. You’re just taking and taking.” 

“Consider AI through the lens that it is pulling you away from human relationships.” 

“The harm on human relationships is real because the expectations have gotten so high.” 

“We expect more from technology and less from each other.”

Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob explore the possibilities that AI has introduced in the world of companionship and intimacy, from validation and empathy to betrayal and romantic feelings with an algorithm. They consider the imporance of being digitally aware, the danger of artificial intimacy, and future expectations from human relationships as a result of what AI companions are programmed to offer. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:21] The impact of AI technology on today’s relationships. 

[4:20] Alarming references and attachments to AI. 

[5:04] The basics of AI algorithm offerings. 

[8:22] Intimacy apps are designed for companionship.

[12:20] Are AI companionships actually relationships? 

[15:15] Betrayed partners possible response to AI companions. 

[19:02] Isn’t artificial intimacy an oxymoron? 

[21:17] The danger of immediate validation and empathy from AI. 

[25:30] Benefits of AI conversation frameworks. 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Jessica Lamar

 

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES:

“AI companion apps are designed to simulate empathy and compassion.” 

“There is an element of these apps that is helpful, and there is the part that feels scary.” 

“A betrayed companion may feel that they can never live up to an AI companion because it isn’t even real.” 

“Compassion and validation 100% of the time is not the reality of human relationships.”