In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren break down how to shift your relationship from reactivity to rhythm by learning to create a positive cycle. You’ll hear the story of Andrea and Marcus—a couple stuck in familiar patterns—who begin transforming conflict through small, intentional changes like naming their stories and taking ownership instead of reacting. From practical tools like “the story I’m telling myself…” to the game-changing “help me help you help me” skill, this episode shows how simple awareness and repair can turn everyday tension into deeper connection.
Main Talking Points:
Awareness of triggers & old cycles
Naming stories with curiosity
Accountability vs. defensiveness
Intentional “deposits” of connection
Repair through validation & empathy
“Help me help you help me” negotiation
Give Me Discounts!
NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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47:47
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47:47
How To Find Safe Attachment with Jessica Baum
Jessica Baum shares her personal journey through anxiety and depression that led her into studying attachment theory and writing her books. She explains how cultural messages about independence often conflict with our biological need for connection, and how healing happens through safe, consistent relationships. Her work emphasizes the importance of “anchors”—people who can provide presence, safety, and co-regulation—as a pathway toward secure attachment and earned security.
Colter, Lauren, and Jessica talk about topics such as:
- Codependency = anxious attachment
- Cultural pressure for independence
- Healing through safe connection
- Importance of anchors/secure people
- Co-regulation before self-regulation
- Familiar vs. healthy attraction
Freebie from Jessica: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview
Give Me Discounts!
NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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58:25
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58:25
Why Can't They Just Get Over It
This episode looks at why your partner might struggle to “just get over” something that feels small to you. Often, their reaction isn’t really about the forgotten text or missed plan—it’s about old wounds from times they felt invisible or unimportant. Instead of brushing it off, the episode shows how empathy and repair can turn these moments into opportunities for deeper connection.
Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive into topics like:
- Why little things often hit deeper emotional scars.
- How “just get over it” shuts down closeness instead of fixing the problem.
- Signs that your partner’s reaction is about more than the moment.
- Simple shifts—curiosity, empathy, and listening—that help your partner feel seen.
- How repair after conflict builds more trust than avoiding fights.
Give Me Discounts!
NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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55:42
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55:42
How To Love Withdrawers Well
Most people have experienced moments of withdrawal or disconnection in relationships, especially during conflict. For some, these patterns can create misunderstandings and distance. No matter your role in the dynamic—whether pursuer or withdrawer—we can all benefit from deeper connection and greater emotional safety. Listen to today's show to learn how to support your withdrawer partner, foster secure attachment, and strengthen your bond.
Cayla, Colter, and Lauren discuss topics such as:
Understanding Withdrawers
Key Challenges for Withdrawers
Common Patterns in the Relationship
Practical Strategies for Loving Withdrawers
Balancing Needs in the Relationship
Shifting Toward Secure Attachment
And more!
Give Me Discounts!
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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45:06
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45:06
How To Love Pursuers Well
This episode from Relationship Advice, hosts Colter, Lauren, and Cayla lean into the dynamics of pursuer-withdrawer relationships, focusing on how to understand and support pursuers effectively. As part of a broader series on relational dynamics, this episode emphasizes recognizing attachment needs, addressing raw spots, and providing proactive care to build healthier, more connected relationships. The hosts share personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and actionable strategies to help listeners navigate these dynamics.
Key Discussion Points
Who are the pursuers in a relationship and what drives their behavior?
Pursuers are described as individuals who, during moments of disconnection or conflict, attempt to restore the relationship by seeking engagement. However, their strategies—such as high-energy behaviors, demands, or criticisms—often come across as overwhelming to their partner. Pursuers act out of fear—fear of being abandoned, ignored, or dismissed. Kayla highlights that beneath the demands and criticisms is often a deep sense of insecurity and fear of losing the relationship.
Give Me Discounts!
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Relationship Advice helps listeners uncover the stuck spots in their relationships by taking expert advice from three licensed professional counselors and boiling it down into digestible tips and tools. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren help people to see that the first step to connecting with somebody else is by connecting with you. They focus their show on understanding and navigating the cycles that couples face, how to practice individuation, and staying in an emotionally regulated state. Just them each week as they come with a jam packed agenda to help you thrive in your relationships.
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