Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

Are you stuck in co-dysregulation? When your child’s nervous system spikes, yours can too—creating a cycle of stress and overwhelm. In this episode, I share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to calm both you and your child.When your child’s emotions spike, it can feel like a wildfire—and sometimes, it spreads to you too. You’re not alone.This episode dives into the real science behind co-dysregulation and how your own nervous system directly affects your child’s emotional regulation. Learn practical, step-by-step strategies to stay calm, reset your nervous system, and help your child self-regulate.Why Do I Catch My Child’s Emotions?Ever notice how your stress seems to mirror your child’s? That’s your mirror neurons in action, and it’s a core part of co regulation.Research suggests that your child’s brain literally mirrors yours, sensing tension through your tone, posture, and facial expressions, shaping their emotional responses and stress response.Key takeaway: If your body signals threat, your child’s nervous system picks it up instantly, increasing emotional dysregulation and potentially impacting their mental health.Emotional emphasis: It’s not bad parenting—it’s biology.Parent StoryOne mom realized her lecturing only escalated her son’s meltdown. Pausing and softening her voice changed the dynamic entirely.What Is Co-Dysregulation and Why Does It Happen?Co-dysregulation happens when both parent and child’s nervous systems spike at the same time. It’s a reactivity loop: the child dysregulates, the parent gets triggered, stress amplifies, and both spiral.Tip: Pause before responding. Ask yourself, “Am I calm enough to help?”You cannot calm a dysregulated child from a dysregulated state. Your own nervous system must lead the way.Parent StoryA parent learned to step back, breathe deeply, and approach calmly—creating a de-escalated environment where learning and problem-solving became possible.You don’t have to figure this out alone.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.How Can I Co-Regulate Instead of Escalate?Co-regulation isn’t about fixing your child—it’s about anchoring both of your nervous systems in safety. The polyvagal theory shows that a regulated adult cues a child’s body to stand down from threat.Practical steps:Take a deep breath, stretch, or move to calm yourself first.Lead with safety, not control—lower your voice, soften your face, slow your movements.Remember: kids learn by catching your calm, just as they catch chaos.Parent StoryOne mom stopped lecturing mid-meltdown, observed the pattern, and used one simple calming phrase to guide her child back to emotional regulation.🗣️ “When your child’s meltdown triggers yours, you’re not failing—you’re catching their emotional fire, and the one who comes first wins for both.”— Dr. RoseannWhat

When your child melts down, every parent feels that moment of panic—What do I say? How do I help them calm? In this episode, I break down the 4 Calming Phrases Parents Say Changed Everything and how these simple, rhythmic statements help a dysregulated brain return to safety and connection.Parenting a child whose emotions shift from zero to one hundred can feel overwhelming, but understanding what the brain needs in those tense moments changes everything. These phrases aren’t fluffy scripts. They’re co-regulation tools that speak directly to a child’s nervous system, reduce overwhelm, and open the door to emotional learning.This episode offers practical guidance on why these phrases work, how to use them during real-life meltdowns, and how parents can stay grounded even when their child is losing control.Why do calming phrases work better than lectures during meltdowns?When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze, they literally can’t hear you. Logical thinking and critical thinking skills shut down as survival mode takes over. That’s why telling a child to “calm down,” “stop crying,” or “use your words” never works in the red zone—no matter your parenting style.Calming phrases act as safety cues. They help create a shift because they:Support emotional regulation in both parent and childPrevent you from barking orders when you’re stressedSignal safety so a child can feel connected rather than overwhelmedMake space for real boundary setting and the ability to set limitsReduce the urge for people pleasing or power strugglesCreate the conditions where kids learn instead of shut downStrengthen the entire family dynamic through calm communicationThese cues slow the moment and tell your child’s brain, “You’re not in danger. You’re not alone.”And that’s when real connection—and real teaching—can finally happen.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and take the first step to a calmer home.What are the 4 calming phrases parents say changed everything?1. “I’m with you.”This phrase instantly grounds a child who feels scared, overwhelmed, or ashamed.It tells their nervous system they aren’t alone, which is essential for emotional regulation.A parent shared that after years of nightly homework battles, whispering “I’m with you” softened her child’s panic—and changed the emotional tone of their entire household.2. “Let’s slow down.”Kids borrow our rhythm. When you slow your voice, breath, and movements, their brain naturally syncs to your calm.Saying “Let’s slow down” teaches emotional pacing and helps them step out of survival mode and back into connection.3. “We’ll get through this.”Dysregulated kids often think the moment is catastrophic. This phrase restores perspective and safety.It teaches resilience—not avoidance—and shows your child that problems are temporary and manageable with support.4. “It’s okay to feel upset.”Validation lowers cortisol and reduces overwhelm.Instead of shutting emotions down, this phrase teaches kids that...

Ever wonder why your child seems calm all day but melts down at night? I explain why child's meltdowns begin when the nervous system finally exhales, and share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to help kids self-regulate. Parenting a child whose emotions swing from calm to chaos can feel overwhelming, especially at night. Understanding why child's meltdowns begin and how to respond with compassion can transform bedtime from a battle into a moment of connection.This episode dives into the triggers behind evening meltdowns and how to use proactive strategies to support emotional regulation.Why does my child meltdown as soon as bedtime arrives?Evening meltdowns aren’t about defiance—they’re about decompression.After a full day of school, activities, and sensory input, your child’s nervous system is depleted. Their brain finally “exhales,” which can lead to:Cortisol spikes that make relaxation difficultRestlessness and avoidance as the body struggles to calmReassurance-seeking behaviors fueled by anxiety or OCDReal-Life ExampleYour child who seemed perfectly calm all day suddenly refuses to get into bed, insisting on checking locks repeatedly. These challenging behaviors are their brain’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed and need safety.”How can I help my child self-regulate before bedtime?Leading with calm is key. You can’t lecture a dysregulated brain—co-regulation comes first.Start 30 minutes early: Dim lights, lower voices, and turn off screens.Introduce a wind-down ritual: Stretching, quiet music, or gentle yoga can cue the brain for sleep.Use humor and gentle touch: A hug or light hand pressure can reinforce safety and connection.🗣️ “When the sun goes down, your child's brain isn't trying to ruin things. It's trying to release from the day.”— Dr. RoseannWant to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.What are common triggers for toddler temper tantrums and meltdowns in young children?Evening meltdowns are often unlike tantrums seen earlier in the day. Common triggers include:Sensory overload from lights, sounds, or devicesUnexpected changes in routineEmotional distress or anxiety around school, tests, or social interactionsParent fatigue—co-dysregulation can escalate meltdownsProactive strategies:Teach coping skills like deep breathing, short stretches, or grounding exercises.Reinforce positive behaviors and model calm responses to help your child learn self-regulation over time.Struggling to help your child calm down quickly?Try Quick CALM, a science-backed mini course reset designed to settle your child’s nervous system and reduce meltdowns fast.How can I reinforce positive behaviors and manage future tantrums?Creating a predictable, calming bedtime...

Many bright kids struggle daily in school, and it’s not because of laziness or lack of effort. The real reason your child is struggling in school is often a dysregulated nervous system. I’ll show you how Regulation First Parenting™ strategies help kids calm, focus, and thrive.Every parent knows the sinking feeling when homework, tests, or transitions turn your child’s school day into a battle. It’s tempting to think the problem is effort, attitude, or ability—but the truth is, learning, focus, and motivation depend on regulation. When a child’s nervous system is overstimulated or under stimulated, even the brightest students can struggle academically.In this episode, I break down why kids across all ages—from preschoolers to college students—face learning challenges, and how parents can partner with schools and use evidence-based strategies to unlock their child’s full potential.Why does my child melt down over schoolwork or transitions?Many children experience sensory or emotional overload, leading to meltdowns, avoidance, or shutdowns. Younger kids often face developmentally inappropriate expectations or tasks that feel too big, which triggers fight, flight, or freeze responses.Recognizing that every child has different learning styles is key, because what feels overwhelming to one child may feel manageable to another. Understanding your child’s learning process helps you tailor support and maintain progress in their child’s education, whether during the regular school year or even summer school.Tips for parents:Break tasks into manageable steps and offer sensory breaks.Validate your child’s feelings: “I see this is overwhelming, let’s take a minute.”Incorporate short nervous system resets, like deep breathing, gentle movement, or butterfly tapping.Real-Life ScenarioA preschooler refuses to start writing. Using a 3-minute reset and offering a small, achievable writing goal helps her calm and complete the activity.How can I help my middle or high schooler stay motivated?Middle and high school kids face growing demands on executive functioning—planning, organizing, and emotional regulation—all while managing increased homework, quizzes, and tests.Chronic stress can lead to procrastination, anxiety, or perfectionism, even in academically strong students.Tips for parents:Request a team meeting with teachers, guidance counselors, or case managers.Identify simple classroom supports, like sensory breaks or visual schedules.Encourage small, consistent self-regulation practices daily.🗣️ “You can’t pour knowledge into a brain that’s on fire—calm the brain first, and learning will follow.” — Dr. RoseannWhat can I do for my child’s learning in college?College is a test of independence and executive functioning.Without prior support, students may experience burnout, missed deadlines, anxiety, or withdrawal, regardless of intelligence. Nutrition, sleep, and coping strategies directly impact their academic performance and self-esteem.Tips for parents:Encourage self-advocacy and identify the school’s learning center resources.Know critical deadlines for dropping or adjusting classes to protect grades and...

Child meltdowns spike when plans change because your child’s brain feels unsafe and the nervous system goes into survival mode. I’ll guide you through Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to calm, support, and help your child adapt with confidence.Every parent knows the moment when plans change and your child suddenly spirals into tears, anger, or shutdown. It feels overwhelming, frustrating, and sometimes even personal—but you’re not alone.In today’s episode, we explore why these meltdowns happen and practical ways to help your child stay regulated and resilient.Why does my child shut down when plans change?It’s not defiance—it’s anxiety in disguise. Many children struggle with flexibility because their nervous system craves predictability.When plans change, the amygdala—the brain’s fear center—takes over, and the prefrontal cortex responsible for logic goes offline.Small changes feel like danger to a dysregulated brain.Stress accumulates silently throughout the day (think schoolwork, transitions, friendships), filling your child’s “stress cup.”Meltdowns are the overflow, signaling their brain is overwhelmed.Parent StoryMaria’s daughter, Molly, would explode every weekend when plans shifted. By previewing the day and co-regulating, Maria helped Molly feel safe—and those meltdowns stopped.How can I help my child cope with unexpected changes?The key is regulation first, flexibility second. You can’t force a child to adapt if their nervous system is in survival mode. Instead:Preview changes in advance—give gentle warnings or visual schedules.Co-regulate through transitions—model calm, name emotions, and breathe together.Practice flexibility in small doses—switch dinner seating or minor routines while your child is calm.Tip: Every time your child navigates a small change successfully, their brain rewires for resilience. Predictability isn’t coddling—it’s scaffolding their emotional growth.Why do some kids struggle more than others?Nervous system sensitivity plays a big role.Children with neurodivergence, trauma histories, or heightened sensory experiences often feel emotions and changes more intensely. Their brains are wired to survive, not to negotiate logic in the moment.Over- or under-stimulation can trigger emotional dysregulation.Daily stress adds up, making even minor changes feel impossible.Developmental expectations vary by age, from toddlers needing reassurance to teens pushing back verbally.A tween might say, “You ruined everything!” while a teen might retreat with, “I don’t care.” Same nervous system reaction—different expression.Get instant tools to soothe your child’s stress and prevent meltdowns—grab your Quick CALM now at https://drroseann.com/quickcalm/What mistakes do parents make during meltdowns?It’s natural to want to lecture, explain, or impose consequences—but when the brain is in red-zone survival mode, logic doesn’t land.Talk less,