Modern Love

Isabel Allende began writing daily letters to her mother when she was a teenager. Over the next several decades, they exchanged over 24,000 of them. Allende credits their letter writing with removing the need for small talk and creating a deep bond between them. Knowing that she had to write to her mother every day pushed her to pay attention to her life in a way that, she says, was central to her becoming a writer. 

Letters have been a throughline in her books as well. Allende’s best-selling novel, “The House of the Spirits,” began as a letter to her dying grandfather. “The House of the Spirits” has just been adapted into a new TV series, and the connection between mothers and daughters is central to this multigenerational saga.

In this episode of “Modern Love,” Allende tells the host Anna Martin about the transformative power of letter writing on her relationships and career. 

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Tracy Clark-Flory was 16 when she learned something that would change her world forever: She had a half sister she’d never met. Tracy's mother, Deborah, had gotten pregnant as a freshman in college. She’d given birth to a baby girl in secret and placed the baby for adoption.

Tracy could tell that talking about this baby made her mom uncomfortable, so she didn’t pry. But from that moment on, Tracy was full of questions. Where was this sister? What was her life like? Would she want to hear from Tracy if there was a way to get in touch?

These days, Clark-Flory is a writer, and she is a mother herself. She has a new memoir coming out called “My Mother’s Daughter: Finding Myself in My Family’s Fractured Past.” In this episode of the “Modern Love” podcast, Clark-Flory tells Anna Martin how she finally got answers about her sister. She also shares what she found out about her mom: Turns out, there was so much more to her story, too.

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Ruhama Wolle loves weddings, but after being a bridesmaid three times in a little more than a year, she reached a breaking point. The financial and emotional burden was too much, and in an article for Glamour magazine, she publicly resigned from ever being a bridesmaid again. 

Now, Wolle has written “I Hope You Elope: A Bridesmaid Survival Guide,” with practical tips on how to navigate the ask with authenticity, honesty and boundaries.

In this episode of “Modern Love,” Wolle tells host Anna Martin  about the bridesmaid dynamics that made her call it quits. Plus, she gives advice and scripts for those looking to approach the role in a new way.

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On her first day of college, Elizabeth Banks met a cute guy at a party. This was long before her roles in “Pitch Perfect” and “30 Rock.” A lot has changed, but 33 years later Banks is still with that same cute guy. In this episode of “Modern Love,” she tells our host, Anna Martin, about the intense conversations and difficult decisions that have kept her relationship alive. And, she reads “Making Space in Marriage, Even as the Walls Close In,” a Modern Love essay about a couple who crack open a stale marriage by leaping into Burning Man.

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It was Stefanie and Jonathan’s worst nightmare: Jonathan’s depression had become so severe he was begging to be taken to the hospital. Stefanie took him to the hospital and then took care of everything else for the family. When she married Jonathan years earlier, Stefanie knew about his mental health struggles. But she wasn’t prepared for this moment. Then, Stefanie fell apart too — and it was Jonathan’s turn to take care of her.

In this episode, Anna talks to Stefanie about what it’s like to love someone through the worst of it, and what Stefanie learned about her own needs after years of ignoring them.

You can read Stefanie’s original story in the Modern Love column.

Listen to and Follow ‘Modern Love’

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube |iHeartRadio

Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

We Want to Hear From You

Email us at [email protected]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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