Modern Love

For most of her life, Kelly McWilliams has felt as though people aren’t seeing her clearly. Kelly is biracial, and she was raised to be proud of her identity: she grew up surrounded by African American culture and literature. But when she walks into a room, a lot of people perceive her as a white woman. And when she does tell people she’s Black, the situation can get uncomfortable, even scary, very fast.


On this episode of “Modern Love,” McWilliams tells the host, Anna Martin, about the ways her mixed-race identity has affected her relationships and her work. Kelly’s new book, “American Nightmare,” is about a Black man who passes for white and ends up working as a spy for the N.A.A.C.P.


The idea of being a spy, of entering spaces and situations without anyone knowing your true identity, is very personal for Kelly. But, she says, after years of being mistaken for someone she’s not, she has learned to be loud about who she really is.



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At the age of 25, the comedian Taylor Tomlinson was sure she had life and love figured out. She’d left behind a religious faith that felt too restrictive. She was engaged to a man she loved. She was also writing her first Netflix special. Tomlinson felt like her career and personal life were on track and that nothing could stop her. Then, suddenly, she surprised even herself by calling off the engagement.
Now 32, Tomlinson wishes she’d handled the breakup differently, but she doesn’t regret ending the relationship. That decision, she says, ultimately led her to seek help for her mental health. Eventually, she came out as bisexual, and started exploring an attraction to women that she thought she would never get to act on.
This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Tomlinson talks about how she stepped away from who she thought she should be — and who she was supposed to be with — and learned to be patient with the process of coming to know her own mind and heart. Even if it meant a long-term partnership had to wait.
Taylor Tomlinson’s memoir, “Actually, Nevermind,” is out now.
Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay, and how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Music. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Joe Swanberg married the first person he ever seriously dated. When that marriage ended, his romantic life got complicated. Messy, even. He started dating younger women, ended up in an elaborate love triangle, and completely changed his mind about whether he wanted to marry and have children again. He openly describes it as a cliché midlife crisis.
Swanberg is no stranger to messy relationships. Throughout his career making television and films, his work has focused on the gray areas of relationships and their difficult-to-navigate emotional territory. So when he hit his own difficult relationship moment, he channeled it into his new film, “The Sun Never Sets.”
This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Swanberg talks about the real-life story that inspired the film, what he’s learned in the process of cleaning up his own mess, and how his approach to relationships is changing.
Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Music. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Carla Lalli is well known as a chef and a cookbook author. But after many years in food media, working at places like Bon Appétit, she started to lose her personal connection to cooking. It wasn’t until her 24-year-long marriage ended and she had to start cooking for herself as a newly single person, that she re-engaged with why she loved to cook and what made her feel good. She details many of these discoveries and recipes in her new memoir-meets-cookbook, “Food Is a Feeling.”


On this episode of “Modern Love,” Lalli tells the host Anna Martin about the specific meals and experiences that helped her reconnect with her pleasure and cravings at this pivotal time in her life. And she talks about the value of cooking as a tool for transforming a really bad day.



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Blake Martin was in his car waiting to pick up pizza when a notification from his doctor hit his phone. As he read it, his stomach dropped and his mind started racing. It was the second life-changing piece of news he’d received within 24 hours, and it threw his entire idea of the future into question. Now, he had to pick up his pizza, head home and tell his wife.

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Martin explains what he learned about the future of his family and his health, and how he and his wife began to navigate their new reality.

Read Blake Martin's “Modern Love” essay here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay.

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.