How To Deal

Episode Summary
What if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "demand ruts," and a live round of the jingle game that you'll want to try at home tonight.
Key Takeaways
Playfulness is innate — it just gets "weaned out" of us. Every parent has a playful side; life, culture, and stress just suppress it over time. The good news: it's still there, and your body will remember it when you re-enter playful contexts.
Power reversal is the magic key. Letting your kids have the power — pretending to be the confused parent, the butler, the butt-dragged-around-the-room adult — gives kids a sense of autonomy and defuses tension faster than demands ever will.
Play doesn't require a time block. The most effective playfulness is woven into ordinary moments: doing the voice of the laundry hamper, turning dish cleanup into a levitation trick, singing your way through a routine. You can be playful while doing what you're already doing.
When you're triggered, pause and self-assess first. Before trying to flip into play mode, check in with yourself — most of the time the edge you're feeling has nothing to do with your kids. A little self-compassion ("of course you feel this way") creates the space to pivot.
Singing activates the vagus nerve. When you sing instead of bark orders, you literally force a longer exhale and start to move yourself out of fight-or-flight — which makes play more accessible even on hard days.
Play can also be a recovery tool. After a hard season or a tough stretch, a silly improv game together is one of the most effective ways to come back to each other and remember what connection feels like.
Isolation makes playfulness harder. We were never meant to parent in isolation. If you're struggling to be playful, it might simply mean you need more community — friends, other parents, or even a social feed full of inspiration like Mia's.
Kids remember the little silly moments. The random everyday bits of playfulness — like a mom who sings every time she takes her pill — become core memories for children. You don't have to engineer magic moments; just stay present and silly in the small ones.

About the Guest
Mia Wisinski is the founder of Playful Heart Parenting, which she started in 2023 after realizing playfulness was the missing piece in her own parenting. A theater educator, performer, and songwriter, Mia helps families use playfulness as a powerful tool for parent-child regulation and secure attachment — making it easy, sustainable, and genuinely fun for tired parents.
🌐 Website: playfulheartparenting.com
📸 Instagram: @playfulheartparenting

Resources Mentioned
🎮 Tap Into Play App Bundle (Would You Rather, Plot Twist, You Are, Who Can Sound Like & more — 1,400+ unique prompts): playfulheartparenting.com/php-apps
📚 Activate Play Mode Course by Mia Wisinski: playfulheartparenting.com/about-activate-play-mode
📓 Uniquely Us: Mother–Daughter Journal by Eli Harwood (ages 8+): attachmentnerd.com/books/uniquely-us | Also on Amazon
🔗 Playful Heart Parenting — All Resources: playfulheartparenting.com

Learn more about secure parenting:
https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.
Key Takeaways
Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity.
Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity.
Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things.
Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system misreading the present as the past. A new event is genuinely difficult — and you're allowed to recognize that difference.
Body memory is real. Your nervous system stores trauma as physical sensations — not just explicit memories — which is why healing requires body-based work, not just talking.
The "red berry" metaphor: Your brain tries to protect you by pattern-matching past threats — but it can misfire on your toddler's tantrum the same way it would on a real danger.
Healing practices matter. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two evidence-based modalities that work with the body to process trauma, not just the mind.
Glimmers are your anchor. The concept coined by Deb Dana — small, grounding moments of safety — can be intentionally cultivated to help rewire your nervous system toward regulation.
There is a safe grown-up in the room — and it's you. Looking at your hands, your age, your capabilities can help your body recognize you are no longer the child who was powerless.
Every day is a new day to rewrite your story and choose how you respond.

About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) is a licensed therapist with 19+ years of clinical experience, USA TODAY bestselling author, and founder of the Secure Parenting Program. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one attachment relationship at a time.
🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned
📚 Books
Eli's New Book — How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don't Have To: View on Amazon
Eli Harwood — Raising Securely Attached Kids: View on Amazon
Eli Harwood — Securely Attached (workbook): View on Amazon
Deb Dana — The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (where "glimmers" was coined): View on Amazon

🧠 Therapy Modalities
Find an EMDR Therapist (EMDRIA Directory): https://www.emdria.org/
Somatic Experiencing International (Find a Practitioner): https://traumahealing.org/

💡 Concepts
"Glimmers" — coined by Deb Dana, LCSW: Learn more at Rhythm of Regulation

Learn More About Secure Parenting
https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
Mentioned in this episode:
018-intro

Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.
Key Takeaways
Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.
You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.
The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.
Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.
Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.
Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.
There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.
Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.

About the Guest
Rachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.
🌐 Website: heysleepybaby.com
📸 Instagram: @heysleepybaby
🎥 YouTube: Hey Sleepy Baby
💼 LinkedIn: Rachael Shepard-Ohta

Resources Mentioned
🔬 Infant Sleep Variability Research — Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants During the First Year of Life (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2014) — Research confirming that infant sleep duration shows high inter-individual variability and does not improve in a linear fashion.
🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.
🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.
🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.
🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.
😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.
🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.
📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.

Connect
Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.
Key Takeaways
Stress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both.
Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten.
Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond.
Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your body needs to move through — via movement, venting, crying, or physical expression — or it accumulates.
The "F-it Bucket" is a real strategy. Not every stressor deserves equal energy. Deliberately release the unnecessary ones.
Witnesses reduce stress. Having people who say "I see you, I get it" is neurologically powerful — community is medicine.
Talking to kids about stress teaches them to self-regulate. Simple scripts like "I'm having a stress response in my body" model emotional literacy your kids will internalize.
Some stress is productive. The goal isn't zero stress — it's the right amount that motivates action without causing paralysis or chronic agitation.

Resources Mentioned
📖 Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski Amazon | Publisher (Penguin Random House)
📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood (mentioned in episode — includes a full section on perfectionism) Amazon | AttachmentNerd.com

About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (MA, LPC) is a licensed therapist, USA Today bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates peer-reviewed attachment research into practical, shame-free guidance for parents. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, Securely Attached, Uniquely Us, and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To.
🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.
Key Takeaways
Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children.
Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing.
The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary.
Expanding your window of tolerance as a caregiver — not just changing the child's behavior — is the key skill in trauma-informed fostering.
Even if you foster a child for a short time, you may be "the one home" they remember as the safe place that helped them heal years later in therapy.
The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) framework helps us understand risk factors, and foster parents are one of the most powerful protective factors a child can have.
Burnout is common and valid — give yourself grace, ask for help, and focus on what you can control each day.

About the Guest
Laura — The Foster Parent Partner is a content creator, therapeutic foster parent, and author who supports the foster parenting community with practical, trauma-informed guidance. She has built a community of nearly 300K followers across social platforms and channeled that expertise into her new book, First-Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care.
🌐 Website: fosterparentpartner.com
📸 Instagram: @foster.parenting
▶️ YouTube: youtube.com/@foster.parenting
💼 LinkedIn: Laura Foster Parent Partner

Resources Mentioned
📗 First-Time Fostering by Laura the Foster Parent Partner — firsttimefostering.com | Amazon
🏫 Dr. Karyn Purvis & TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) — The research framework behind "kids from hard places" — Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU
📋 ACE Questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences) — The CDC-Kaiser study measuring childhood trauma risk factors and adult health outcomes — CDC ACE Study Overview
🧠 EMDR Therapy — Trauma processing protocol referenced by Eli — APA Overview of EMDR | EMDR International Association
🔗 Foster Parent Partner Community — fosterparentpartner.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
Mentioned in this episode:
018-intro